Should Eggs Be Legalized?

Do you remember eating your first egg? I can still picture the carefully wrapped carton of 12 covered with shiny tinsel sitting under the Christmas tree just waiting to be fried.

My world was filled with wonder and satisfaction as I sopped up the last bits of runny yolk with a piece of government issued toast.

The XJ300 destroying the last known carton of eggs

I didn't care if it was illegal and I didn't care that it cost me two paychecks. The experience of an egg was worth all the hardships and sacrifices I was put through. It's something everyone should try and I feel that it's time the government lifted the ban on eggs.

It was 100 years ago today when the possession of eggs became illegal, punishable by amputation. The ban on eggs started early in the 21st century when eggs were considered bad for your cholesterol. A decade later, America (now the Federation of Free Peoples) suffered the largest recall in egg history due to an outbreak of salmonella. In 2012 the death toll reached the millions and the counsel of Obamacron felt that the only way to contain the mass deaths was to take control of all chicken farms and ban every human on Earth from selling or consuming eggs.

Yes, I know the dangers of eating them. I know that there's a good chance you will experience, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, hallucinations, numbness, loss of breath, blood in stool, and Stockholm syndrome, but I think that the decision should be left to people who want to experience eggs for themselves.

You can't blame a couple billion bad eggs and let them ruin a thousand good ones. Eggs have the right to be eaten. We must stand together and fight so our children and our children's cyborgs will have the chance to experience the incredible edible egg.